Monday, April 1, 2013

The Call That Changed My Life ...


When you think about a flower that’s in bloom, you think about its beauty, fresh scent and new life. It all appears to be so perfect… At no point do you stop and focus on a broken branch or torn leaf or even the dirt it came from before the beautiful bloom. When reflecting on the past few months of my life, ‘Beneath the Petals’ came to mind through a friend. As a writer, it has always been healing to open up through words to paper. I decided to start this blog to share my story of a journey that I had no choice but to take. This is scary for me to open up and let people in, but if my story saves one life, then this weekly blog will have served its purpose as I use it to continue to heal and move forward.  

Everyone who knows me knows that I’m extremely private with what goes on in my personal life, but on December 19, 2012 I received some news that rocked my world. I was diagnosed with breast cancer… (for a while I couldn’t say it)  On that day, I couldn’t deal with it myself let alone share it with the world. (baby steps). It was the last day of my Perfect Peach Journey Workshops with teens for 2012, and that was the only thing on my mind. I was in my room preparing for the last session when the phone rang. The doctor who had given me a mammogram and a biopsy as a precaution for something really small that appeared strange was calling me with results.  I thought back to a call I received when I was waiting get the biopsy.  A close friend called and I told them what I was doing and they said, “Whatever happens.  It’s going to be okay.”

Now it’s two days later and ‘whatever happens’ is happening now.  When the voice on the other end of the call said who she was, I had no worries. She sounded as if everything was okay. She calmly said, “We got your results from the biopsy and it was cancerous.” I stopped breathing for a minute. Time stood still as I let the words sink in. Only the people closest to me know that I don’t immediately react to things that are painful. The more painful or difficult it is to digest, the longer it takes me to react—so you can only imagine how long it took me to react to this. I was waiting for her to say something else—as if there were something else to say. I was hoping for a brief moment that it was some kind of mistake. My sister, who is one year older, had just gotten a mammogram a few weeks earlier, and her results came back fine. We both decided to go get mammograms last year after my mom recovered from her second bout with breast cancer. (We all went through it together!) It was supposed to be a routine visit. Wait, they just calmly tell you this over the phone. Why is she so calm? My response was (in my I can handle this voice), “Okay, what’s next?” In her calm, monotone voice she said, “I need you to come to my office tomorrow. Will that work for you?” I thought, ‘How could it not work for me? How can any of this work for me? Is this a trick question?’ I reluctantly said, “Of course.” I ended the call as if it never happened. I just wasn’t ready. I shared the news with no one, and I finished preparing for my last workshop and headed out the door to Families First Non-Profit main office in downtown Atlanta. My life went according to my plan for the rest of that day.  The news was put out of my mind.

I eventually called my sister, the only person I could bring myself to tell. As soon as I started talking, I began to cry. At that moment, I grew really scared, and I felt helpless. She told me to calm down and tell her what was going on. After telling her the news, she calmly took control (as she normally does) and said, “It’s going to be okay. I’ll take you to the doctor. Stop crying and don’t worry. It’s going to be okay.” My sister has always been the stronger, outspoken one of the two of us. We both agreed that we could not tell our Mom…  

(to be continued …)


29 comments:

  1. I was very inspired by your book, your workshops you have created for teen girls and your determination to make a difference. I have to say though that I am even more moved by your honesty and your ability to reveal truth in such a personal light. I have learned that what heals people/women more than anything is the realness of one that can share a similar experience and you can SEE through them that it will be okay!!!! Blessings to you, healing for your body and strength to your soul is what I pray for you. Keep moving on sister cause we need more women in the world like you!

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    1. Tash, Thank you so much for being my first comment on my blog. This was a very personal and meaningful project for me. Your comment moved me and gave me the reassurance that I can make a difference with this. I appreciate you taking the time to give me this feedback. Please send me your address to tracynicolewrites@gmail.com. I would like to gift you something. Thanks again for your support and kind words.

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  2. Wow...thank you for sharing this. You have been on my spirit for months now and maybe this was why. I am glad to know that you are and will be ok. I have been praying for you and will continue to do so ... Be blessed!

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    1. Thank you Natt! I appreciate you reaching out and keeping me in your prayers.

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  3. I am proud of you. I have such admiration for your courage and strength throughout this whole process. I will continue to pray for you to get stronger and that you will remain faithful. I love you and may God keep the blessing flowing in your direction.

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  4. I'm reading this while I'm driving and I'm typing while I'm driving too! (Are we talking about me texting and driving or are we talking about Tracy Nicole using her 'Cancer Card?')

    The Griffins and the (for lack of a better word) 'The Nicole's' are very close. When Tracy was recovering she put together a list of people to basically cook food for her (a dinner wheel ... train if you will) Well one day after one of my wife's (Toni) dishes she called us and asked "I sure would LOVE some of those brownies you make .. .you know ... cause of my Cancer and all." Toni hung up and said 'I think Tracy just used her Cancer Card on me!' (smile)

    Trace you can use your CANCER CARD on The Griffins whenever you want ... just miss us with the 'Confirming cough' ... you know 'cough cough ... I need some brownies' LOL ... LOVE YOU and the girls to death!!!

    (The views and opinions of "GRIFF" are not the views and opinions of nobody else except ME)

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    1. Griff, Thanks for making me laugh even when I didn't want to. You are the only person that took the freedom of saying the 'C' word at any given moment followed by the craziest, funniest remark. Laughter is good for you. It helps with the healing process. Keep sharing your gift with the world. (Those brownies were soooooo good!)

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  5. Wow Tracy. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You have done so much for others and I know you will get nothing but support as you continue to regain your strength. LaCarya mentioned your blog and I am glad I took the time to read it. You never know anyone's inner turmoil but I thank you for sharing your story. Even thru your struggle, you have found a way to be a blessing, inspiration & motivation to others. May God's healing hands stay upon you and your family & his angels of strength continuew to surround you and uplift you.

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  6. Wow, Im glad you won this fight. And I hope your journey can be a blessing and a help to someone else going through the same.
    Joann

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  7. Trace, my love and prayers are with you on your continuous journey of healing. We've known each other a VERY LONG time, since our Brownie Troup with Mrs. Shepherd I think and I've witnessed you become an inspiration to SO MANY people, young and old. From your boutique, to your Perfect Peach Journey. Gob will continue to Bless you. You my friend are LIVING FOR A PURPOSE. Many well wishes your way sweetie. I am here if you need anything!
    Eboni

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    1. Eboni, we go so far back! :) Thank you so much for your kind words and supporting me throughout the years. I truly appreciate you.

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  8. Thanks for sharing your story. Your testimony will help countless women going through what you are going through. You are in my prayers and I have faith that your body will conquer this. Stay positive. Keep the faith. Take care of yourself. I am very proud of you and your accomplishments. This is only the beginning of great the great things you have to share with the world. If I can be of any help, I'm here for you (I do not say this just to be kind). Be blessed.

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    1. I really appreciate your kind words Violette. Thank you so much!

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  9. This experience has done so much for our circle of friends. Funny how God works, isn't it? There's a lesson in each and every experience and an opportunity for growth. God picks his soldiers based on what he knows they can handle. You're a tough cookie! I thank God for your journey and I thank you for entrusting me enough as a friend to help. I love you dearly.

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  10. My dear friend Jenny-Bean! In two days you put your project management skills to work and organized the most amazing network of our friends who became my angels that carried me through. (Can't wait until I get to that part of the journey!) I love you guys more than ever. From Savannah to All is Well... Jen you have a gift of bringing friends together in ways no one else can. I know you told me to stop thanking you ... but thank you!!! xoxoxo

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  11. Tracy Nicole! I am so glad that i stayed up late and something lead me to your blog! As soon as i started reading it, i thought about our conversation at the Ailey 50 event when we were talking about getting an Atlanta group together for the Susan G. Komen 3 day walk! At the time we were talking about doing it for your mom! WOW... Who knew you were going to experience the same thing a couple of months later! I am praying for your healing! I am here if EVER you need anything! Looking forward to reading the rest of the story :-)

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  12. Hey Davida! OMG, who knew! I guess we really have to revisit the Susan G Komen 3 day walk conversation. :) Thank you so much for the comments. Stay in touch!

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  13. Tracey...I really appreciate your courage and strength to even share. This is very moving and powerful. I look forward to reading more.

    Corwin Oglesby

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    1. Thank you so much Corwin! I appreciate the support. I will be posting weekly.

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  14. Wow! What a story. You're beautiful both on the inside and outside and nothing will ever stop your smiles. It is well with you

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  15. Tracy, you are an inspiration to young ladies of ALL ages. Because you are transparent, your sincerity is felt by us all. I hope you realize that you have a huge support system, and we are looking forward to taking this journey with you. By following you on this blog, you are helping all of us heal some past hurt or disappointment whether it were physical or emotional. Thank you, my sisterfriend.

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    1. Thank you Christina! Your support means a lot!

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  16. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You have the perfect platform to share your experience to encourage others. Your words are uplifting and powerful for all generations. I pray that you stay strong and continue to light the path for others. You are a great testimony. God Bless You! Love you much!

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    1. Mrs. Adams thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and send positive words my way! Sending love back to you for your prayers and kind words. XOXO

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  17. You are courageous and I look forward to reading about your victory. My prayers are with you and your family.

    Tami

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  18. Traci, my family and I are praying for your strength. Continue pushing and inspiring. It is truly your calling. We wish you the best and we are proud of you. Che' says hello...

    James B Kynes Jr

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