Tuesday, April 30, 2013

All Is Well! ...

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” ~William Shakespeare

Growing up living by 'The Golden Rule' that my grandfather instilled in me when I was three years old, I’ve always looked for the best in people and also have always been very forgiving. However, thinking people would treat me as I treated them left me open to a lot of hurt.

When the people in your life that are supposed to be there to take care of you—the ones that you trust to have your back and hold you down—drop the ball and disappoint you multiple times throughout your life, you come to expect everyone to let you down. Disappointment becomes routine. For the most part, that has been true all of my life. Trusting someone will be there when I really need them has always been a struggle.
When I got my diagnosis, I was told to “get ready to find out who your true friends are.” I was somewhat prepared but still surprised at and hurt by the people that were nowhere to be found, even after I reached out. Ouch! It really did hurt...

On the flip side, I learned that the friends who were there are the most amazing friends on the planet! (I mean amazing!!) Not just because they stand by my side but because they actually accept me for who I am. They don't judge me, and they give without expectation. They do all of this without thinking about it, because that's what true friends do. My friends know that when I walk into a room full of people I get quiet because I'm very cautious. They know I'm just taking in my environment. My friends know I try to do everything and sometimes I may go a little harder than I should without asking for help even though I need it. They understand that I put pressure on myself, and I often feel like everything falls on me.

Days before my surgery, I sat down at our regular monthly brunch with my girlfriends. I knew I couldn't do this alone. I had accepted this as fact. I looked at the same faces that I have seen for the past 15 to 20 years. We have had our ups and downs. We have weathered storms. We have celebrated good times and have been there for each other in bad. None of us are perfect, but we are there for each other. Even as I write this, words can't explain the amount of love I have for these women who are not just my friends. They are my sisters and my angels. I looked them in their eyesthey know how strong I am (and I don't like to cry!). I said, "I don't want any tears!" I didn't want a pity party. As I explained my situation, I watched my friends look at me with glassy eyes fighting back the urge to cry because that was what I said I wanted. I said, "I am scared and I need you all. I choose to walk in faith. I choose to be strong, and I choose to win. If anyone asks you how I'm doing you tell them 'All is well!'” The looks in their eyes told me they were proud. (I knew my announcement was a lot to take in). I allowed the weight I was carrying to be lifted. It felt as if each of my angels each took a piece to carry. They all sent me a message without words that said, "Don't worry! We got you!" We hugged and smiled, and it was done. I felt light as if God were answering prayers as we sat and continued on with brunch. In two days, my friends (headed by the best project manager in the world!!) set up a schedule to make sure someone was at my home to help me morning, noon and night. They helped with laundry, the kids, cleaning the house and doing the dishes. There's always the friend who steps up and says, “Sit down! We got this!” They just showed up and did what had to be done. It was such a blessing. They knew what I needed without even asking. My dear friend who told me, "The fake friends won't show up!," put together a meal train which had a calendar for people to sign up to bring me breakfast, lunch and dinner. My children stayed on their schedule and had everything they needed. All I had to do was recover. (This is still hard to talk about because my friends were there every step of the way. They never missed a beat.)

My amazing friends are the reason my recovery went so well. They are the reason I look at life so differently now. They are my true friends, and I love them dearly. My mom always says, “Now those are your friends!” I don't use the term ‘friend’ loosely (anymore). They keep telling me to stop thanking them because they said I would do the same for them, and they are right...I love you guys so much!!
“All is Well!”  

(to be continued…)


  1. You have an amazing group of angels in your circle! I love your blog by the way. Continue to blessed!


  2. Such a blessing this I know. I went through a transition myself going through my own recovery a few years ago and I realized, just as you did, the real friends. The people who really loved me and this realization is very necessary in life to be able to eliminate those around you Not representing an equal friendship/relationship that you offer...and yes many fell out of my circle but I thank God for revealing 'Truth, Trust, Loyalty and Integrity in those that helped me, fed me, took care of my kids, my pets and my sanity. Oh thank God for these friend.... some people can't even count one. Stay encouraged with your blog, be Blessed and May God continue to cover you and Bless your family and friends Nicole ;}

  3. You have great friends because they are a reflection of you and your heart! Thanks for sharing pieces of you!

  4. Tracy,
    I know how u feel. I mean the disappointment and trusting issues. I now cannot even hold a normal healthy relationshipEspecially with men, because of that very reason. I found you on the mommy blog LinkedIn group and I'm here to tell you that I'm praying for you. I can't promise to always check in with you because I get a little distracted I get easily distracted. but somewhere just know that I am thinking about U!

  5. I am encouraged & inspired by your words Tracy! I look forward to reading your blog each week. Yes!!! All is well